Annoying thing in season 7 of DS9: How Worf apparently has some sort of say in who Ezri dates. In one episode they even have this weird conversation where he shames Ezri because Jadzia dated lots of men or something.
I get that Worf would be hurt if someone else dated his dead wife or something, but it’s this neverending cycle of slutshaming and patriarchal ownership. Apparently he can have opinions not only on who Jadzia dated before they met, but also on who Ezri dates - a person he until mid season 7 hadn’t been romantically involved with!
Wow, that’s about the most uncharitable reading of the Worf/Ezri relationship possible. Without writing long paragraphs about both characters’ very complicated emotional history, let’s just say that I saw the situation as a couple of people with quite a lot of baggage (in Ezri’s case, centuries’ worth, which she got absolutely none of the long and rigorous mandatory training in order to have a chance of dealing with) who are trying to work out an amicable relationship that accommodates their incredibly complex backstory in the middle of a war.
Yeah… I get that its complicated.
I’m still very firm in my opinion that exes, in whatever fashion they are exes, shouldn’t be allowed to dictate the lifes of their former partners.
It is a recurring, cultural narrative that former partners, brothers or fathers have some right to be part of the process when women chose their partner(s). This narrative is repeated in television and films. One can try to read Worf and Ezri’s relationship as separate from these tropes - and then its more understandable. But I don’t believe that one can take something out of a cultural context and presume to analyze it at the same time. Analysis of mediated tropes are necessary to understand, among other things, how our cultural narratives affect our understanding of gender roles.
So that is why I get angry when Worf acts possessive and Ezri acts accommodating to that possessiveness. Not because I don’t have any understanding of their complex relationship. Not because I don’t understand that the writers intended to convey how Worf was trying to morn Jadzia and accept Ezri at the same time. But because I don’t like what the use of this trope conveys to the audience, especially in regards to the integrity of women. Like many tropes it is primarily a problem if it is overused, which is the case here. I don’t have a problem with Worf and Ezri being friends and discussing her love life - what I have a problem with is the recurring assumption that she needs his approval or that it is his right to be involved in those discussions. Something that is common. Just try to think of how many tv-shows you’ve seen where a man asks another man if its okay to date his sister, or his ex. Like its his decision - not hers.
What I should have done was to be more specific as to what I was critiquing. At the time, I had to rush so the original entry was rather short.